"At least I'm not THAT fat..."

I found myself saying this in my head this afternoon at lunch when I noticed a woman actually larger than myself sitting a few feet away who seemed to literally be swelling out of her own body. You know the type, the ones that look like they've expanded full of water and a pin prick would cause them to explode? I'm sitting there checking this woman out, mentally disgusted at how she looked and all of a sudden this thought occurred to me: I might be the line in the sand for someone else.

Let me explain. I know I'm fat.. but at least I'm not THAT fat. It could be worse. I could be bound to a wheelchair or need to wash myself with a rag tied to a stick. I could be that lady I saw on Dr. Phil who has to have her 13 year old daughter empty her pee from a bucket on a daily basis or the man who hasn't seen the outdoors for years because he's over 1,000 pounds. I'm big but properly proportioned, I could be one of those people who carry it all in their ass and hips and legs or humongous back fat or completely flat chested but big bellied. I've actually got it pretty darned good, all things considered.

Someone else though who isn't as large may look at me and do the same exact thing I was doing, looking at me with disgust and thinking, "I may be fat but I'm not as fat as she is!". I'm really ashamed of my thinking patterns, I did exactly what I don't want anyone else to do, judge solely on the outside layer and not bother to see what's on the inside. I won't think like that again, it was unfair. I don't want to be someone else's line in the sand. I won't be.

On the personal side, I peeked at the scale again and it said 348.5. Tomorrow is the official weigh in though so if I can just keep going in the same direction I'll have a killer number for my second weigh in. I've also given up fruit juice and root beer for Lent. Seems trivial but believe me, I love those things with a passion. I can't have the fruit due to the diabetes anyways. I already miss you Barq's! *sigh*

I also hit a rather personal milestone this morning. For years (probably 3 or more) I've had to sit while I took my showers. I hardly ever share that information with anyone as it is so damned humiliating. My back would start hurting after about five minutes and my legs would start to tremble. My back would cramp horribly and I was afraid my legs would give out and I would fall and seriously injure myself. Well, guess what? I took a shower this morning, about 20 mins long... and I stood the whole time! My back was a little stiff when I got out but nothing I couldn't handle. Yay!